Life has funny little ways off reminding you of times or things we would rather forget about sometimes, you sit thinking if you’d done this or that different how different would your current situation be how much would your life be changed by one little thing you did different.
I’ve been having alot of them moments lately never in my life did i think at 31 i would be getting divorced i always thought when i was younger that i would get married and grow old with that person but the universe had other ideas obviously! i’ve sat and picked everything apart and if i should have done things different or been less of a crank at times and then i remember it wasn’t just me in the marriage there was two of us and i think the both of us gave up on trying to make it work but were to scared of change or ending it, the hardest thing i’ve had to do for myself was sit and say no! enough is enough i can’t do this anymore but i think it’s the best thing i’ve ever done for me and my kids.
I’ve managed to fit a lot into my 31 years of life already and yes most of it has gone to shit but its all life lessons on how to do better in the future or at least that’s my excuse! unless Tom Hardy,Jason Momoa or David Harbour realise their undying love for me i doubt i’ll ever be crazy enough to get married again which makes me a little sad but life decided married life wasn’t for me and i’ll be at peace with it one day.
The mad part of being single again is how much dating has changed! back in the day you met your future partner in the pub or threw friends but that shit don’t happen now its all dating apps and from experience we all know they can be full of weird folk or maybe its just me that attracts them, your friends don’t set you up anymore because all their mates are in settled relationship so you end up being the sad single friend anytime you go to anything in a group there all going home to snuggle up to someone else and put their cold feet on their legs and chat shit to cause there drunk and my sad single ass is going home to an empty house hugging a burger or a pizza stripping off and passing out in bed, to be fair i think i win cause i get to wake up in the morning looking like death and most prob feeling like it and no one witnesses it other than the Uber Eats delivery man bringing me greasey food to save my soul.
I’ve accepted that i’m more than likely going to end up like the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons washing my cats over in Stanley park and then pushing them along in a pram because i look at my colourful dating past and realise my taste in men is pretty shocking, they always seem nice at the start but 9 times out of 10 have turned out to be utter gobshites i never learn! i always end up changing myself for them and that right there is one of my biggest regrets why should i change isn’t that what made you like me in the first place? as i’m getting older i’m becoming more stubborn and sarcastic and i don’t think most men know how to handle that i’m just a crank to be fair but at least i admit it and don’t hide it i let me crank side roam free for all to see!
I don’t think you’ve lived if you can turn round and say you regret nothing about your life and some choices you’ve made, jesus i’ve got so many things i would happily go back and change in my life if i had the chance from dating dickheads to standing up for myself in situations i let people win because i wasn’t confident enough to stick up for myself the list goes on and on! the one thing i would love to do is go back and tell 17 year old me to stand up for herself don’t let people treat you like shit eat don’t become obsessed with your weight and deny yourself food and for god sake girl stop dating dickheads because as much as you think you need to be with someone its really not worth the stress sometimes! being on your own isn’t all that bad you got the whole bed to yourself (when a child hasn’t gotten in threw the night and you shit one when you turn over and there’s a face looking at you!) you can fart anytime you want and not have to keep it in and get bellyache!
We’ve all got regrets about things in life and i think it makes you more determined to succeed in things at times we learn from our mistakes but we all need to remember not to be hard on ourselves all the time, we need to remember were only human at the end of the day.
xxxxxx
Fat Bird Thinking 