Man! It’s shitty to be a woman…..sometimes!

Hands down females got the short straw in life! It doesn’t matter what we eat, how much we go the gym and look after ourselves someone will always have a shitty opinion of you.

The one thing that drives me insane is woman being giving shit for their body size now I’ve been ridiculously skinny I’ve been a size 8

Back then I thought I was fat because every magazine etc had it etched into our brains we had to be skinny to be happy and I’m telling you now I pretended I was the happiest person known to man yet inside I was dying, I hated myself and numbed the pain by going out and getting shitfaced because facing the truth of how I felt was worse. I hardly eat and if I did I’d make myself sick afterwards I lived on energy drinks and coffee all to fit the worlds view of how a woman should be. I once dated a lad who told me he thought I’d put a bit of weight on I cried and then refused to eat for over a week keeping the hunger at bay with monster and red bull to try and get rid of this ‘weight’ I’d put on now I look back and think you should have told him to fuck off and eaten a big fat pasty in front of him! My weight and my relationship with food used to rule my life for years and it made me so miserable I hid it from friends and family by putting on the mask that I was happy and fine but honestly it was a load of shit all I remember looking at this picture above now is how sad I was inside and how many time’s I’d planned ways to end my life but ‘chickened’ out because I was sick and tired of pretending I was ok and everything was fine but the thought of leaving my mum stopped me everytime, she doesn’t know any of this until now if she reads it and even tho we used to argue all the time and fall out she’s the reason I’m still here today and I’m super grateful for having such an awesome mum without her even realising what she did.

The only thing that turned my way of living on its head was finding out I was pregnant I was 21 when I found out I was three weeks pregnant and I was terrified but it was the best thing to ever happen to me, it got me out of shitty mentally abusive relationship I stopped the binge drinking and I started to eat properly because I knew it wasn’t just about me anymore. The first few months were hard I’m not gonna lie I had sickness every night instead of the morning and trying to eat was hard but I did it, my pregnancy was bloody hard was in and out the woman’s hospital to a point they had a certain bed they would put me in everytime and I’d apologise everytime I had to go in to be monitored 🙈 but I managed to bring my son into the world and had someone else to focus and worry about, at first I didn’t bond and I had postnatal depression I could feel myself going back to the old me palming my son off on my parents and going out and getting drunk it wasn’t until one of my male friends turned round to me and told me I needed to sort myself out and see the dr because if I wanted to deal with it or not I had postnatal depression and wasn’t focusing on my son like I should be and that gave me a massive kick up the arse to sort myself out.

Now anyone who’s sleep deprived from a new born will tell you you’ll happily eat anything as long as it gives you some energy! I didn’t give a shit about my size anymore I just wanted sleep! I noticed pants started getting a bit tighter and more than one chin was present but it didn’t bother me as much as it used to, by the time I’d had my daughter I was a size 18 biggest I’d ever been but I was happy in my body, when I got married I wasn’t one of these brides who was adamant to loose loads of weight for the big day I lost a little threw stress but I was still a curvy bride and not to blow my own trumpet but I bloody scrubbed up well.

I turned 30 and I was between an 18 and 20 mainly because of my mum hips and chesticles 😂 not long after my marriage went to shit and I found myself a single mum of two at 30 thinking fuck no one will want a chunky bird will they, But as RuPaul says “if you can’t love yourself how the hell you gonna love somebody else!” I’d hated my body for a long time and now had the choice to learn to love what I’ve got so slowly but surely I’ve started to learn to love myself again and remember that I’m fabulous and a strong independent woman who sometimes needs someone to give her a hug on a shit day other than that I can do shit for myself 😂

This is me at 31 yes I’m chunky yes I might have an extra chin if I look down but who gives a fuck! I look at this photo and see how happy and content I am, I have two amazing kids, my mum is still amazing and always there for me, I have a little group of the most awesome friends who cheer me up and look after me who I can trust with my life! I’m soon to be divorced and still single but I’m not bothered by it if I’m meant to be with someone I’ll find them if not gin and cake is gonna be my bae 😉 but most of all I’m happy with my life and that’s all I can ask for. I love me for me and that’s all we really need in life!

So when someone makes a shitty comment about your size etc instead of letting it get to you delete it ignore them most folk who comment mean shit do it to make themselves feel better because they don’t like themselves or the situation there in.

So as I said in the wise words of the fabulous RuPaul

“IF YOU CAN’T LOVE YOURSELF, HOW IN THE HELL YOU GONNA LOVE SOMEBODY ELSE? CAN I GET A AMEN? 🙏”

Xxxxxx